"It's a Small World" originated with the 1964 New York World's Fair. After the fair closed, the ride was transferred to Disneyland and officially opened in 1966. The ride features 400 brightly costumed audio-animatronic dolls in the style of children of the world, frolicking in a spirit of international unity, and singing the ride's title track, which has a theme of global peace. 44 years later here we are. Same old ride but a whole new world that begs the question where's the updated "It's an F'd up world" ride located in Disneyland Walt?Please allow me to update your Small World ride with a more realistic picture of just how small the world we live in today really is. I have outlined below the changes that need to be made to several of the scenes. I've also included a modified version of the song. Enjoy.
Suggestion #1....Mexico- I think it's fairly obvious that the women in this scene are far too skinny to be realistic. The men are not dealing cocaine and the dogs are not stray. I didn't see one donkey, a cockfight or a runny nosed child trying to sell me "Cheek-Lay". You couldn't have missed this one by more if you switched it with Pakistan. At least then they would have mustaches. Please put the USA and Mexico adjacent to each other. Have a scene depicting men, women and children jumping a large fence with border patrol chasing them in SUVs. You should allow a couple of them to make it over the fence to the USA scene where they can be shown mowing lawns of wealthy families and selling oranges near major freeway onramps.
Suggestion #2....Ireland- Come to think of it I don't remember seeing Ireland, but if I did they definitely were not sitting in barstools or throwing up behind the local pub. That has to change ASAP. You should also include a scene with a drunken leprechaun with his pants at his ankles and drinking a Guiness while giving it to a sheep.
Suggestion #3...Thailand- This scene should have a 3:1 White man to Thai woman ratio. You can show dirty white men getting $3 massages, looking for 13 year old girls and getting sucked off by trannys.
Suggestion #4....Africa- This scene will be divided into two sections, land and water. On the land the tallest men will be playing basketball in loin cloths in hopes that they will be discovered by the white man. The other African men will be shooting guns in the air and looking for diamonds. In the water scene a group of little somalian pirates will spot us, jump into an inflatable boat and head out towards us in attempt to board our boat.
I understand that we are in a recession and spending money to update this ride may not be in the cards so I will offer one less expensive, quick fix option. Pass out a joint and glock to each person over the age of 9 as they board their vessel on this miserable excursion. As we pass each country you can hand out a snack that's indegenous to that region as well as the national beer or liquor of that country. Targets can be placed on each little person for us to shoot at and receive points to be totaled at the end of the ride. The person with the highest point total will receive a bottle of Jack Daniels and a job with the LAPD. By the end of the ride you can have a mini us coast guard boat come in through the exit tunnel and hand out life preservers and save us drunken stoned tourists from drowning.
New Song
It's a cold world after all, It's a cold world after all, It's a cold world after all
It's a cold....hard.... world.
It's a world of sex and a world of drugs
A world of terrorists and big black thugs
There's so much to fear
that we drink lots of beer
I think the end is near
It's a cold world after all, It's a cold world after all, It's a cold world after all
It's a cold....hard.... world.
It's a world of greed and a world of porn
Where every 3 seconds another mexican is born
There's too many religions to keep track
Our president is black
It's time to drop a bomb on Iraq
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